The Guide on Being a Mature Distinguished Gamer: Part 4 – Finding Your Goals

Good morning and welcome to another edition of Games with Coffee!

At last, we have arrived at the final part of my miniseries. To those of you who have stuck with my ramblings so far, a heartfelt thanks goes to each of you. I also want to thank everyone in the WordPress community for being an amazing bunch of talented and friendly writers and also for inspiring me to write this series. I finally feel that I’ve fulfilled the requirements I have set out in the tagline of this blog: A Blog for the Mature Distinguished Gamer.

Read the previous three parts here:

Part 1 – Priorities

Part 2 – Failure, Success and The Gaming Mindset

Part 3 – Respect, Kindness and Empathy

The first three parts in this series all lead up to this final one about Finding Your Goals. In the games we play, the characters we play as have a goal or a dream that they want to accomplish. Some are as simple as rescuing a princess or fulfilling a last wish. Some are as difficult as overthrowing an empire, uncovering the truth on a conspiracy or saving the world from a deadly threat. Whatever the case, these characters pursue these goals with abandon.

The Mature, Distinguished Gamer (MDG) must embody that same pursuit with their own goals. However, they should be kind and empathetic to themselves when pursing them. They should realize that the mindset will make or break accomplishing those goals. They should understand that failures or setbacks won’t derail their efforts, but will instead make them stronger for the future. And finally, they need to set priorities so that they can focus on accomplishing their goals.

But what if you don’t know what your goals are? That’s what this part of the series focuses on today. Let’s get cracking on the final part of The Guide on Being a Mature, Distinguished Gamer.

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Go On A Quest

On January 1st, 2017, I decided to take a Quest for personal discovery. I’ve written on this subject just over two years ago, on my thirtieth birthday, and you can read that post here. In it, I go over my process. It’s a good compliment to this post.

But the thing is, I’ve dialed back on this constant stream of updating experience. Why? Well, the objective of The Quest wasn’t just to establish good habits, but to identify both the things that were important to me and the things that I’m passionate about. In my case, it was my writing. While I enjoy my job as an engineer, it didn’t necessarily spark the same drive and passion that I have for writing. The Quest helped me to realize that I both love to write and want to work on it more. It also established a set of goals I have for myself, which include writing and publishing an original story among other things.

Now, you don’t have to employ my method, but it’s well worth it for the MDG to take a real close look at yourself and to see what you’re passionate about. From there, one should establish a system where they track the activities related to those passions and then set goals for them accordingly. You can use productivity apps/sites that utilize gamification, like Life RPG, SuperBetter or Level Up Life to track and maintain goals. Or use a system like mine and track through spreadsheets or lists. Whatever choice you make, do the research and make sure that it’s the right system for you.

So, the bottom line here is that if you want to truly find out what you want out of this fleeting life we all live, go on a personal quest of discovery!


Keep A Log

During The Quest, I kept a notebook and documented what I did in a day, noting the highlights and lowlights in that period. It was a way to help track the goals that I laid out in my Quest. Rereading some of the passages I’ve written has helped me to set new goals or reframe old ones, like writing twice a week as opposed to every day as originally planned.

Sometimes, writing out your thoughts and feelings over a period of time and then looking back through it can reveal a lot about what you want for yourself. You may even come to a realization about yourself that you may have missed altogether! It may not be as earth shattering a revelation as when Kratos learns of his godhood in the God of War series or the fact that Solid Snake and Liquid Snake are twin brothers, but it can set a path for the MDG to move forward, as opposed to aimlessly wandering about. For me, writing about writing was the kicker; I just never realized it until I took a closer look at myself by writing a log of my day.


Two Final Notes

I’d like for you to try this exercise when you get a chance: make a list of the things you really want to spend your time on in a day. In other words, what would you typically want to do in a day if you had no restrictions? Below is what I would love to do in a day, as an example:

  • Write my novel.
  • Write some fanfiction.
  • Write something for the blog.
  • Interact with my fellow games writers.
  • Spend time with my wife and son.
  • Stream online.
  • Bake stuff.
  • Exercise
  • Design and build something really cool.

Now, with that in mind, make a list of the things you typically do in a day and how long you spend on each. Again, I’ll be the example:

  • Work – 8.5 hours
  • Commute – 2 hours
  • Spend time with wife and son – 3 hours
  • Gaming – 1.5 hours
  • Writing -1 hour
  • Sleep – 6 hours
  • Workout – 0.5 hour
  • Misc. (Interacting with other writers, baking, chores etc.) – 1.5 hour

Now compare the two lists. You can see that between working, commuting, family time and sleeping, there’s not a lot of wiggle room to work with. If you do your own list, does it make you feel uncomfortable seeing how much time you have left remaining once all your responsibilities are handled? If so, why does it make you uncomfortable? What would you do to change that?

Ultimately, this exercise shows why it’s important to budget time for yourself and your goals. Doing quests and writing logs for your goals does nothing unless you carve out some time out to achieve them. It may require some sacrifice (I might have to cut my gaming time for my case), but it will only help in the long run when it comes to accomplishing your goals. It’s something to keep in mind.

Finally, as we conclude this miniseries, I’d like for you to keep this statement in mind: Focus on being better and chase the impossible. Life is naught but a journey through highs and lows. More specifically, as Auron would say:

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And with that, we conclude the series. I thank you for joining me as I (finally, after much delay!) celebrate the blog’s third birthday.

But before I sign off, I have some important announcements. Bear with me, all.

Announcements

First and foremost, with the conclusion of this series, I will be taking an extended hiatus on this blog until I finish my fanfiction passion project. It’s been a goal of mine to finish this and I’ve put it off for far too long. It’s gotten to the point where it has literally taken over my brain and is preventing me from coming up with new ideas here, so I need to get this thing completed once and for all so I can move forward. As I’ve finished my outline roughly last year, I surmise it’ll take me a few more months to completely finish it. Which leads to my next announcement.

I will be posting this story here on this blog exclusively once it’s completed and beta read by others. I used to write on fanfiction.net, but I feel that I have better fanbase here on the blog than anywhere else. No lie, you guys who have been following me, (whether it’s from day one or recently), rock so hard, so I think it’s fair that you all get first dibs on the final, ultimate version my story.

In the intern, I will continue to write for The Well Red Mage and Normal Happenings as a contributor to their respective blogs. As The Hyperactive Coffee Mage on TWRM, I will be writing up more in-depth game reviews and participating in collaborations when they arise. One of which is the absolutely MASSIVE Super Mario Multiverse collaboration! We’re still looking for writers, so check out the post if you want the 411 on this epic undertaking!

On Normal Happenings, I am but one of 52 other bloggers celebrating “The Characters That Define Us:” another massive blogging collaboration featuring writers discussing the characters that made them who they are today! I’m excited to share my story about Sonic the Hedgehog. Look out for it next year! I’ll also be lurking around here and there, reading and commenting and whatnot!

Beyond that, this will be the final post this year for the blog unless I change my mind (or when part one of this epic fanfic is fully finished…). Thank you all so much for your patience and understanding. I love and appreciate you all.


With that, this has been Ryan from Games with Coffee, thanking each and every one of you for joining me on these ramblings and always reminding you to Keep Gaming and Keep Brewing! See you all soon!

The Guide on Being a Mature, Distinguished Game: Part 3 – Respect, Kindness and Empathy

Hello and welcome to another edition of Games with Coffee!

Today is Part 3 on “The Guide on Being a Mature Distinguished Gamer!” Check out previous parts here:

Part 1 – Priorities

Part 2 – Success, Failure and The Gaming Mindset

Part 3 will discuss about Respect, Kindness and Empathy; three things that every Mature, Distinguished Gamer (MDG) should embody on a daily basis, whether it be in the real world or the virtual one.

With all of the outrage and negativity surrounding our world and the cruelty exhibited by people of power on a daily basis, I believe that an emphasis on kindness, respect and empathy are needed now more than ever. And not just towards others, but to the self as well. I believe that if one is kind and respectful to one’s self, they will extend that kindness and respect outwards towards others.

Today, I’ll share some of my experiences regarding these three things, both within and outside of the gaming sphere. Let’s dive in to Part 3 on The Guide on Being a Mature, Distinguished Gamer.

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Be Kind to Yourself

Quite possibly the kindest thing anyone has ever said about me was this recent tweet from my good friend and Magely compatriot, The Mail Order Ninja Mage (AKA Daniel Flatt of Home Button Gaming):

I may be a little modest about this, but I suppose what he is saying is the truth: I try to be as kind and as welcoming to everyone as possible. I do this simply because I treat others the way I want to be treated – something that many people learn in grade school. More importantly (and to reiterate my belief that I introduced in the first section), if one is kind to oneself, he or she will extend that kindness to others.

So, how do you be kind to yourself? It’s as easy as treating yourself as your best friend. How would you talk to your best pal in your life? It could be similar to Marina and Pearl from Splatoon 2? The two rib on each other constantly (especially during a Splatfest!) but they truly support and care for one another and want each other to succeed.

Perhaps it’s similar to the relationship between Solid Snake and Otacon from Metal Gear Solid? These two forged an unlikely friendship under difficult circumstances and it remained strong and steady throughout their many adventures afterward. And they also have an awesome bro handshake.

However you treat your best friend, you should definitely treat yourself in the same way.

When you make a mistake or say or do something strange or inappropriate or even start a conflict with someone, firstly, don’t beat yourself up. Talk to yourself the same way you would talk to your best friend if they screwed up. What if you don’t have a best friend in that way? Another strategy is to speak to yourself in the same way you would speak to your hero or shero in their time of need. Like reminding Cloud that, sure, you gave your mortal enemy the Black Materia, but it’s not too late to save the Planet? Or mentioning to Knuckles that it’s OK that he fell for Dr. Eggman’s schemes once again (for what seems like the millionth time), and that it’s not too late to do the right thing? Same sort of thing, but turning it inwardly to yourself.

Secondly, Forgive Yourself. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone says or does stupid things. We are not infallible beings, we are but human; Flawed and strange in every which way possible, but interesting, important and special at the same time. So give yourself permission to forgive yourself for your mistakes instead of beating yourself up about it.

Thirdly, remind yourself that you are worth something, that you are unique and that you deserve kindness. Don’t think and believe for a second that you are average and ordinary and don’t listen to others when they say so: you can strive to be Excellent and Extraordinary in your own way. Don’t make your mistakes define you as someone worthless, instead tell yourself that this is a learning opportunity and that you’ll grow stronger for it.

Once you give yourself a chance to be kind to yourself, you’ll find that it’s quite easy to extend that same kindness towards others.

Hate The Game But Respect the Gamer

Before we get into the meat of this section, let’s take a look at the following scenarios:

You know that feeling you get whenever you’re tearing it up in a multiplayer game (online or offline) and you’re on a roll? You keep winning and winning and then, out of the blue, a new challenger approaches and completely annihilates you. Every strategy you throw out and every trick in the book gets countered and you’re left completely helpless to this superior player as they cruise over to victory.

Now, two things can occur at this point: the first could be that you rage, scream and spittle at this player who has bested you, ruined your win streak and outright embarrassed you in the game you specialize in. You may be so vexed that you decide to harass this individual in whatever way you can. If the interaction is online, this person may block you or flag you as inappropriate to the admins and therefore have you suspended for some time. If this happens offline, then that person may look at you in a negative light due to your disrespectful behavior. Or they may look at you as a crazy person and do their best never to play with you again.

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Yeah. Don’t be this guy. (Found on Tenor)

The second would be recognizing and acknowledging the skill that this player possessed and moving on from that defeat. You may seethe privately that you’ve been thoroughly owned, but online or offline, you extend a “GG,” and continue on your merry way. Later, you check through the replays or recall the match in your head and see where you did it right and where your opponent took advantage of your weaknesses. You nod and possibly say to yourself: “Wow, that guy really exposed the holes in my defense, mad respect to them for showing me where to improve.” If you’re playing offline, chances are the person beside you would be willing and able to help you improve your game.

Now, I’m sure everyone wants to act in accordance to the second scenario, however, sometimes that’s not always the case. Sometimes you’ll get an opponent who’s sole purpose is to troll the heck out of you and goad you into making a critical mistake. Then when they are victorious, they perform some form of act solely designed to further infuriate you (spamming emoji’s/emotes, repeatedly striking taunting poses, teabagging, etc.). The key here is to not take offense to it and (if possible) rage about it in private. Or mute/block that person and continue on your merry way. An MDG strives to rise above trolling behaviour, and doesn’t have the time or energy to engage in that way either.

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Truth most spoken-eth.

In conclusion, you should hate the game, but never ever hate on the player, regardless of how they are acting toward you. It says more about your character if you don’t stoop to the level of a troll and behave disrespectfully.

So, how does the MDG approach this in real life? Simple:

Respectfulness IRL

Unlike online or even split-screen multiplayer (a rarity in this day and age), you can’t really choose who you have to work with at times. Sure, you can randomly pair yourself with other players in quick matches online, but 90% of the time, players forget about each other and move on to the next match. Unfortunately for us, that doesn’t apply to coworkers.

Chances are, you’ll either be working or already have worked with the individuals you see day in and day out in the office. Some coworkers can be good team members and a pleasure to work with. But the opposite is true and the MDG must be prepared to that inevitability.

A rule that the MDG must remember is that respect is a two-way street: In order to gain any respect, one must be respectful in kind. Sometimes that means biting the bullet and working with Joan from logistics or Doug from accounting to get things done, regardless of Joan’s nosiness or Doug’s constant needling at your appearance or working habits.

A good habit to establish is what I call the 80/20 rule: List down what you like and what you detest about this person. The rule here is if you can find and focus on at least 20% of positive qualities about that person, the other 80% of that person doesn’t really matter. In that sense, it prevents the other offending person from affecting you and your work.

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In this case, it’s 33%. (Note that Karen is a fictional character for this series. The pros and cons are based on real people though.)

If the person does frustrate you to no end, another suggestion I have is to write down your frustrations about this person in private. You can safely air out your grievances towards this individual while still maintaining a professional working relationship. Just make sure that what you’re saying is not publicly accessible. The best thing to use would be a journal or even a sheet of paper which you tear up into pieces.

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With this level of enthusiasm.

Respect doesn’t solely come from doing well in your work. It also relies on your ability to be personal and empathetic to others: those so-called ‘soft skills.’ Let’s talk about those.

Empathy in the Mature Distinguished Gamer

Alright, let me preface this by saying I’m that stereotypical, overtly nice Canadian, the one that says sorry for just about everything and that guy who speaks very formally and politely. The thing is, you don’t have to be a Canadian or overtly nice or a well-spoken individual to be empathetic to others.

For me, I always try to put myself in other people’s shoes and understand how they are feeling. Not only that, I take the advice of wise old Master Splinter and lend my ear to those who wish to use it to talk of their inner struggles.

Being genuine with others, helping them with their problems and getting yourself out of your own head – those are things that help me feel empathetic towards others.

But what if you’re not much of a people person? All it takes is to treat others with the same decency that you expect from others. If you can lend a hand when possible, do so, otherwise don’t sweat it. Sometimes, displaying the bare minimum of empathy towards others is good enough.

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Not all people are receptive to empathetic gestures and that’s perfectly fine. Give them space and move on. If they are though, set reasonable limits and know when to back off, change the subject or stop talking altogether. When they’re going into inane details about their third-ex or droning on about their endless complaints at their job, it’s time to end that conversation and move on! But, if they’re going on about something legitimately serious in their lives, do your best to listen and understand their feelings.

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And always remember to set healthy boundaries!

You’re not going to get it right all the time. I’m not perfect and I make plenty of mistakes when it comes to other peoples’ feelings; I’ll say the wrong things at the wrong times, or make an inappropriate comment, or I don’t give others my full attention when somebody wants it, or I can just generally be awkward. An MDG, when in such a situation, always tries to genuinely apologize when feelings are hurt and always does their best to be better. Slip ups happen from time to time, but as long as one recognizes and corrects themselves, then things generally tend to work out in the long run.

One Last Thing

Being kind, caring for others and trying to understand and acknowledge other’s feelings is an intrinsic part of being human. This human desire to connect with others has been emulated in several video games and we are indeed blessed to be surrounded by various characters we can all relate and look up to in times of joy or sadness.

If you want to improve your kindness, empathy and respect, look to those heroes and observe how they interact with others in their respective games. Some are great examples of how to act towards others and others can teach you how not to act! It’s all dependent on what you play.


So, how was that? I’m a bit nervous about this one; respect, empathy and kindness are touchy subjects and I really hope I wasn’t too preachy about them. If so, let me know in the comments or on Twitter! Also, let me know how you approach these in your life! I’m always interested in how others show respect, empathy and kindness!

The next part is the last in our mini-series and it’s about goals. I also have a few important announcements to make at the end, so I do hope you stick around until then!

This has been Ryan from Games with Coffee, reminding you with kindness and respect to Keep Gaming and Keep Brewing.

The Guide on Being a Mature, Distinguished Gamer: Part 2 – Failure, Success and The Gaming Mindset

Hello and welcome to another edition of Games with Coffee!

This is Part 2 of The Guide on Being a Mature Distinguished Gamer! In our previous edition, I discussed about priorities. If you’ve missed Part 1, please check it out here.

Today, I’m going to share some thoughts on success, failure, the importance of maintaining a gaming mindset and the value experience of any kind brings. I spoke about something similar in an earlier post when I started a brand new position a year and a half ago. Now, I feel that I can expand and elaborate on this further. You can read the original post here.

Finally, I’ll speak of a philosophy that I’ve recently embraced; the notion that the majority of people around you remember the starting point and the end of your journey, not the journey itself. It basically means that only the journeyer will recognize and appreciate the path one takes from start to finish, no one else. It’s highly relevant to this discussion, so I’ll cover that here.

Without further ado, let’s start the second part of The Guide on Being a Mature, Distinguished Gamer.

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Failure and success. Those two words are associated with strong feelings, actions and messages for all kinds of people. Growing up, we are told repeatedly that success is what matters and failure is something to be avoided altogether. This messaging is so prevalent, parents are literally doing whatever they can to prevent their children from feeling any sort of failure whatsoever, with dire consequences as a result.

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It’s not a scary word people!

The thing is, we need to take risks and feel failure from time to time. Sure, it’s hard to deal with when it happens, but it’s important because failure is how we get better. It’s how we as people grow and learn. Continued success is both unsustainable and impractical to happen consistently. Furthermore, if you’re constantly successful, you’re missing out on opportunities to learn and grow as a person; success creates stagnation, but failure can provide a new path forward.

Accepting the cyclical nature of success and failure comes down to the mindset. And a mindset I’ve adopted and made my own is the Gaming Mindset.

Success, Failure and The Gaming Mindset

Level 1-1. Super Mario Bros. This iconic level showcases just how accessible video games can really be. As my good friend, The Well Red Mage, discussed in his #magecrit of the legendary title, Level 1-1 was designed in a way to teach players how the game and its mechanics work. It also actively encouraged players to experiment and make mistakes. With each drop into a pit or strike from a Goomba or Koopa Troopa came one more opportunity to learn and adjust for the next time. At the end of the level, players should be familiar with the basics of the game and also should have the confidence to tackle the challenges ahead of them.

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Do-do doo do-do DOO do…

What if I told you that that specific level can act as a metaphor for teaching the importance of the cyclical nature of success and failure?

Playing video games allows for individuals to make risky decisions and actively learn from their mistakes in order to win. Gamers play the game, they fail at something, re-evaluate what went wrong and try again, repeating until they pass the challenge, all while never giving up. To me, that sums up what a gaming mindset is.

The Mature, Distinguished Gamer (MDG) adapts this mindset to everyday life.

Let’s say you work in an industry where you engage directly with clients and one day you make a mistake that damages your relations with one of them. The MDG should be able to recognize where they went wrong, apologize for the transgression and adjust for the next time. Recognizing and learning from your failures, like adjusting the timing to jump and land on that tricky platform, helps you to become better for the next time.

The gaming mindset can also be expanded to new things, like learning a skill or starting a new opportunity. If you think about it, when a game introduces a new mechanic, you’re treated to a tutorial on how to use it. It’ll take some time, but eventually you will master it and adapt it to a numerous amount of situations. The same can be said about learning new skills in the real world: one only needs to learn and master the basics before applying them in a myriad number of ways.

Quite possibly the best examples of the above in gaming has to be the moment when Link receives the Runes in Breath of the Wild. The major runes are introduced in the first four shrines that rise out of the Great Plateau. In each of these shrines, Link obtains the rune and is then presented with different scenarios in which he must learn and master the basics of how the rune works to progress. Along the journey however, the game subtly hints that these runes can be used in completely unorthodox ways, like using Magnesis on metal boxes to use as a makeshift weapon, or using Stasis to launch yourself across vast distances. What Breath of the Wild teaches is that, by mastering the basics, any skill or tool can be used to achieve greater heights.

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And by “achieve greater heights” I mean doing silly stuff like this!

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Or cool stuff like this!

And in the below case, I mean literally achieving greater heights:

What the gaming mindset also does is give the chance to take catastrophe and turn it into a learning opportunity. Because as the saying goes:

What Doesn’t Kill You, Gives You EXP

Before we continue, I have to give credit where its due: I got this header from a post by the venerable Kim from Later Levels! She’s written a great series on older gamers that can practically be a complement to this series: a lot of what she and others in the WordPress Gaming comunity have said in these two posts espouse the attitudes and beliefs an MDG should hold. Check out Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

With any success or failure comes experience that can be used when a similar situation emerges later on. As demonstrated by every RPG in existence, experience is only obtained after something happens, whether it’s good or bad (or from a random encounter). It’s up to the MDG to analyze, interpret and meditate on the experience they’ve obtained in order to grow, learn and ultimately level up.

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Ah, good ol’ stat growth. It’s what experience gives you.

I can speak of the many, many failures I’ve endured in my near decade as a design engineer. The position itself requires one to be vigilant on the littlest of details and I struggled mightily with that as I’ve been more of a big picture kind of person. However, what I learned and what experience I gained as a designer has helped me in my current role as a field inspector. I’m able to point out fine details on a job site that would have otherwise been overlooked by contractors constructing the space. I wouldn’t have had that unless I failed consistently and learned from the experience that these failures gave me. Which brings me to my final point:

The Journey Itself

“The only person who will appreciate the journey itself, is the one taking the journey in the first place. Most others remember only the beginning of your journey and the end of it.”

So what exactly am I talking about here? Well, it’s more of a philosophy I’ve recently embraced. I’ll give you an example of how it works:

In Final Fantasy I, at the start of the game, four characters with Orbs/Crystals of the elements approach the King of Cornelia. He requests that you rescue his daughter to prove yourself as the Warriors of Light.

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At the end, when the princess is rescued, the King and his subjects are overjoyed and they reward you by rebuilding the bridge to the next land.

However, neither the King nor his subjects would have seen the work the four Warriors put in to accomplish the feat. No one but them would appreciate the effort they put into arming themselves, stockpiling provisions and training against Goblins, Crazy Horses and sometimes Wolves until they were strong enough to defeat Garland.

 

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Yeah, right buddy.

In fact, these Light Warriors endure many difficulties throughout their journey and the people of the world reap the rewards that they sow without truly seeing just what it took for them to accomplish what they did. The most they would recall would be when they arrived in their bleakest moment and when their town or castle was liberated from the forces of evil. The same can be said for the MDG working in their choice of trade.

Whether it’s a design for a very important client, a program or an app to better lives, a service to be provided to help those in need or even something like preparing for post-secondary education, it’s the experiences you take away during the journey that you’ll truly cherish. It’s also something that many people would not notice unless they were paying close attention. Working hard, making mistakes and failing and sometimes even disappointing others only helps to make you stronger and that much better for the next time. Nobody else can or will really see that but you, except in very specific circumstances. So appreciate the journey, accept the highs and lows that come with it and ultimately, don’t worry about what people on the sidelines say. They won’t be able to fathom the amount of work you put in every day without actually being there for the ride.


And here ends Part 2. What do you think? What kinds of successes or failures have helped you grow as a person? What games have you played that made you think about how you process success and failure? And what sorts of journeys have you gone through that no one else but you would have appreciated? Discuss in the comments below, or on Twitter!

See you all in Part 3: Respect, Empathy and Kindness! This has been Ryan from Games with Coffee, always reminding you to Keep Gaming and Keep Brewing.

The Guide on Being a Mature, Distinguished Gamer: Part 1 – Priorities

Good morning and welcome to another edition of Games with Coffee.

So, I’ve kinda slipped up on the blog here, in regards to updates and what not. The busyness of life has kept me away from maintaining a strict schedule (or any schedule at all, really). However, I’m not treating it as a bad thing to be honest; rather, the time off has allowed me to really think about the direction of this site and the direction where I’m currently heading in as a person.

Oh, now don’t be alarmed: This site and I aren’t going anywhere! However, I realized I had to make some decisions about the quality and quantity of the writing I produce here on Games with Coffee.

A Mature, Distinguished Gamer recognizes that sometimes, you can’t get everything you want done, no matter how hard you try. Time, unfortunately, is limited and one can only stretch themselves so thinly on many things to the point where progress on said things grinds to a complete halt. The example being the mini-series I promised to write about.

Three years now, I’ve been trying to define what makes a Mature, Distinguished Gamer. Almost three years now, I failed. Partially because I was embarrassed – Who’d listen to a guy wax on about being a responsible adult who plays video games? Partially because of lack of motivation – it is super hard to summon the energy at the end of the day to write when all you want to do is plop down on the couch and play some Moonlighter or God of War or even some retro games. And partially because I feel overwhelmed with so much to do and so many experiences to behold. I’ve found it hard to fit the time in to do this series justice.

So here I am, trying once again to define the tagline for this very site. We’ll start this series on an issue that should be on the top of the Mature Distinguished Gamer’s mind (and is certainly on mine for most of the time): Prioritization.

And now, without further ado, this is The Guide on Being a Mature Distinguished Gamer.

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One aspect of being a Mature Distinguished Gamer (Abbreviated to MDG for the remainder of the series) is the importance of prioritization. There are always times when one just wants to play video games, but responsibility – whether it’s to your job, your family or some other commitment you’ve made – always takes precedent before that fact. And even then, sometimes one takes on more responsibilities that one can handle – a thing all too common with our current generation of hustlers spouting tags like #HustleCulture, #AlwaysBusy and #TeamNoSleep.

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It’s even on a T-Shirt!

Let’s face facts: When you’re over-prioritized with several things that need to be addressed right this second, mistakes may happen, people may be let down, promises may be broken and nobody ends up winning at the end of the day, regardless of if you make those priorities or not. In a sense, you’re not only hurting others, you’re also hurting yourself.

I’m guilty of over-prioritizing a bunch of things, only to find them falling off the wayside when I eventually cannot make those tight deadlines. However, I’ve started to learn and master the subtle art of deflection and delegation and the difference an objective list can make in tackling the backlog monster.

Deflect and Delegate

In the same way that Fox’s Reflector Shield in Super Smash Bros. deflects projectiles aimed at him and delegates it back to the attacking party, so too can you deflect and delegate tasks to others when possible in order to maintain your priorities.

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The visual equivalent to “I’m sorry, I have enough on my plate right now. Could you please try someone else?”

Obviously, this predicates on the fact that you’ll need to be in an environment that fosters an amicable level of teamwork, whether it’s at home, work or wherever. Nevertheless, the MDG should recognize when they can do it alone or when they can delegate some tasks to that backup mage or warrior in their party. That isn’t to say that one should throw all of their tasks at others entirely, but to recognize that when you’re in over your head and the priority items keep piling up, you just have to ask for assistance. As I always say: “All you can do is all you can do. When you need to do more, ask for help!”

As for the deflecting part of the equation, the MDG is not adverse in assisting others. However, when assistance is preventing you from getting your own stuff done, then it becomes a big problem. In any case, it’s perfectly and reasonably acceptable to say no and deflect the request back to the requester. Chances are, they’ll delegate it to another person or do it themselves. There are also chances that the person may guilt you into doing so. Unless it’s your direct supervisor asking you to place this at the top of your priority list, do not back down and be firm in your denial. Cave once, and you’ll be doing others’ bidding for a long time while neglecting your own duties. I’m serious about this because I speak from experience.

Priorities: Breaking Them Down & Checking Them Off

Well, asking for help and delegating tasks are great things to do, but you will still have tasks for yourself remaining to do at the end of the day, and those things are on a priority sequence. So what does one do in this situation? How would you get it done?

My solution: Checklists. But there’s more to it than that.

In every modern RPG or open world adventure, you are given a quest either as a part of the story or as a sidequest from an NPC that you must accomplish. But have you ever noticed that the quest itself is broken down into small, measurable chunks and gave you clear direction on what you need to accomplish in order to complete the quest?

Did you know you could apply that to your current situation, whether its a critical report, a ton of housework or some other huge task to accomplish? Well, you can! In fact, breaking down large tasks into smaller chunks helps to overcome that overwhelming feeling you get when you are faced with a daunting task. It’s especially helpful for those who have ADHD (like myself), where any task seems monumental, regardless of the size.

So, how is this accomplished, you ask? It’s as simple as taking a task that you normally do, breaking it down to its primary components and then writing each of those components on a sheet of paper or on an app to track. Make sure that the components are clearly defined and easy to follow. From there, start with the first small task and go down the list. Before you know it, you’ll have finished your quest and can tackle the next one that’s on the priority sequence. Once you get the hang of it, it become much easier to plan out your approach when you’re under the gun. Plus, drawing and marking off the little check boxes are both fun and satisfying to accomplish.

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Here’s an example! Checking off those boxes feels so satisfying!

One Other Thing

A final thing to recognize is the importance of consequences. In a video game, there are no major consequences to delay a side quest for a long period of time. Even when you fail, the most that happens is a conciliatory statement from the requester and an opportunity to replay the quest. In the real world, it’s a different story. Consequences can include losing opportunities due to being unreliable, loss of trust in your ability to accomplish tasks and, most significantly, doubt as to your convictions to your chosen craft or to the people most important to you. These things are some of the most daunting obstacles to overcome and are why prioritization is a skill paramount for the MDG to learn. After all, while we can escape the real world at times by delving into the worlds we love, we can and should use the mechanics within them to make our lives in the real world much more easier.


And there’s Part 1 of our series. Part 2 delves into success, failure and managing a beginner’s mindset, a topic I broached in a post nearly two years ago. (You can check it out here). I’ll talk a bit more about how to keep having a beginner’s mindset even when you’re at your lowest point. Part 3 will go in depth into kindness, empathy and respect for others and finally, Part 4 will touch upon goals. At the end of it all, I have some important announcements to make, so I hope you’ll stay tuned until then.

With that said, how did you like the first part of this series? Are these strategies helpful in any way? What strategies do you have when it comes to setting priorities? I’d really like to know as I’m always looking for new things to try. Drop a line in the comments or on Twitter to discuss!

So, to you fellow Mature, Distinguished Gamers, I bid you farewell and I’ll hopefully see you at Part 2 of our series! This has been Ryan from Games with Coffee, reminding you to Keep Gaming and Keep Brewing.