Koffi Trigger – Letter from a Mad Scientist Woman

Hey all, welcome to another edition of Games with Coffee! I had so much fun writing the first letter to Athena for the Year of the RPG, that I decided to make this an ongoing thing for the rest of the year! I’ll be writing in the perspective of the main characters of the series and (if time allows) maybe have some of the secondary characters write in as well! Hope you enjoy it!


Dear Athena,

So, the letter you’re about to read was written on parchment made using outdated production processes and materials that aren’t used in present day paper manufacturing. Why am I mentioning this odd, out of place tidbit? Well, because I’m writing to you from a tavern in Truce Village in the year 600 A.D.; four hundred years in the past!

Before I get around to explaining how exactly I found myself in this era of time and the events that followed, allow me to introduce myself: I’m Lucca, the beautiful, brilliant scientist from Truce Village circa 1000 A.D.

… Well, truthfully, people in the village call me by a different name: Perks. My best (only) friend in the village gave me that name – Koffi. You might know him; he’s a fairly talented swordsman with an unhealthy obsession with coffee, hence his name. I don’t get why he calls me ‘Perks.’ Koffi says it’s because my obsession with machines and science rivals that of his coffee addiction and that I apparently ‘perk’ up whenever I see any piece of technology. It’s annoying, but I digress. Your name popped up when he told me about you and how he wrote you a letter on a whim, hence why I decided to write one myself. It’d be nice to vent to someone else for a change… I’m just hoping you get this.

Anyway, this fiasco started out at the Millenium Fair, back in 1000 AD. I had just fired up my latest invention – The Telepod – when Koffi showed up… With a girl in tow! A cute one to boot! I was so proud of him…

Mind you, while I care for the caffeine addicted swordsman and cherish him as a close friend, in no way would I want to pursue a romantic relationship with him. Why? Well, he’s kind of a dimwit. But I mean it in the nicest way possible!

When I first met Koffi’s companion though, something about her was incredibly familiar, but at the time, I couldn’t put my finger on why she was so familiar in the first place? Odd to put in here, I know, but it becomes relevant later on.

After a quick chat (in which you were brought up), I asked Koffi nicely (read: forced him) to try out the Telepod. I only wished you could see the look of fright upon his face when I told him to try it out; he still remembers the flamethrower incident (which I won’t go into specifics; he might have mentioned it already)! Either way, he tried it and it was a complete success! I’ve successfully teleported a person from one point to another! And I can’t believe it worked! I mean, I did the math and there was a large statistical chance that it would fail spectacularly and splice the poor guy in two, but hey, I avoided it! Hooray for science!

And here’s where everything got crazy; the girl Koffi brought (her name is Priss), wanted to try it out. Here I thought “This would be excellent publicity! If the Telepod gets popular enough, I might get that coveted research and development grant from the Royal Family!” So, I threw sheets to the wind and decided to let her on.

That… Turned out to be a huge mistake.

I still don’t quite understand how it happened, but as she was teleporting to the receiver pod, it seems like an unknown energy source – possibly originating from her pendant – overloaded the Telepod and somehow tore open a hole in space-time. Instead of arriving on the receiver pod, she fell through the hole and vanished.

Naturally everyone panicked and fled from the scene. My father and I argued as to whose fault this was; either he inadvertently increased the Telepod’s power to beyond the overload protection, or I missed a zero when I recalibrated the sender pod prior to her getting on. Anyways, it was no surprise to me that Koffi picked up the pendant that was left behind and told me to fire it up again. He looked hellbent and he only has that look on his face when the ferry comes in with his latest coffee shipment: 200 lbs of roasted beans.

So, my father and I overloaded the Telepod to achieve the same effect of tearing a hole in space-time, with help from the pendant. Koffi was flung into it while I pondered as to what these holes were, why have they appeared and how do I get one open without using the Telepod or the pendant?

Long story short and without going into immense scientific explanation (which, if I’m honest, would turn this letter into a book), I postulated the theory that this space-time energy is naturally occurring, and that Priss’ pendant acts as a sort of conductor for this energy. Using that theory, I built my most amazing invention yet: the Gate Key. When used near a large concentration of this space-time energy, it would create a stable, temporal portal out of it (which I’ll call Gates). I tested it back at the fairgrounds and successfully opened the portal where Priss and Koffi entered! So, naturally I followed along, where I landed 400 years in the past, in the middle of the war between humans and Mystics.

Midway through travelling, I finally realized to my horror who Priss reminded me of and what the consequences of her being in this moment of time would be! I rushed to Guardia Castle of the past and discovered that my fears were founded; Priss is really Princess Nadia, the current heir to the throne in our present time! Also, this year is significant in our country’s history, because it’s when Queen Leene, Nadia’s ancestor, mysteriously disappeared! She would have been brutally murder if not for a trusted knight who rescued her at the last moment. But because Priss is a dead ringer for the Queen, the castle guards called off the search when she was found, meaning that the real Queen was still in danger. If she was killed, it would create a time paradox which would have untold consequences on the space-time continuum! To top all of it off, Nad- sorry, Priss disappeared in a flash of light, meaning that the paradox activation would be imminent, if my theories were correct.

… Basically in a nutshell, unless Koffi and I found the real Queen Leene and returned her to the castle safely, we would all be royally screwed. Pun totally not intended.

As we left the castle to search for the Queen, we were stopped by… a frog man. No, I’m not kidding you; he was a short, ugly and slimy looking frog that stood on two feet, wore travelling clothes and had a sword sheathed on his waist. He insisted (in a very medieval dialect) on joining us to find the Queen. I was initially grossed out (I really don’t like frogs) and almost told him to get lost, but Koffi took a shine to him. It might have been a swordsman thing between the two, but Koffi decided to let him on. While he called himself Frog (wow, that’s an imaginative name…), Koffi decided on a different name: Sir Beans. I actually laughed at that one.

Despite being dismayed at the name choice, Beans joined up with us as we canvassed the village for information about the Queen’s last known whereabouts. We’ve discovered that a day or two ago, the Queen went to the Cathedral near the castle with the Chancellor, but only he returned, citing that the Queen was staying to pray for our troops on the Zenan Bridge. When the report went out that she went missing, the first place they searched was the Cathedral, but they found nothing. We all though this sounded suspicious, so we’ll be heading there shortly. Koffi and Beans (I snickered so hard when I wrote that out) went to gather up supplies, leaving me time to write this out to you.

Looks like they’re back, so I’ll end it here. Wish us luck.

-Lucca (Perks)

PS: You know, I wish I could send you pictures – photography wasn’t invented until late 800 A.D. or so. Maybe when (if, really) I get back to our current time, I’ll invent an instant photo device or something… (I’m actually writing this idea down as we speak.)

PPS: …Koffi says hi and also says thank you for the response, he just got it.

One thought on “Koffi Trigger – Letter from a Mad Scientist Woman

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